Episode 3: The Truth About Confidence: How To Build It And Keep It

Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Vision of Victory podcast, where we discuss practical ways to turn your dreams into reality. 

I want to talk about confidence. 

We’ve all been around people who, when they talk, everyone listens. When they say they can do something, you believe them. They’re not only confident in their own abilities and who they are, but they also inspire that confidence in others as well. 

What leads to that? 

It’s not positive thinking. It’s not willpower. It’s not psyching yourself up or even good values that lead to that type of confidence. None of those things are inherently bad, of course, but they just don’t equip you to have real confidence. 

I want to give you three thoughts—things that you can focus on that lead to real confidence and, I would say, are the antidote to insecurity. 

1. Being vs. Doing 

The first is being versus doing. 

Being focuses on who you are or who you want to be. So, for instance, I want to be a physically healthy person. It’s not something I do—it’s who I am. 

Once you determine who you want to be in any particular area (in this case, physical health), the actions become easy. You just find somebody—or a few people, maybe—who have what you want, and then you figure out what they do. 

I recommend talking to them directly if that’s an option. Figure out what they do, and find out how to emulate that in your own life. 

But you focus on the being—on who you want to be first. Once you know that, the actions are easy. 

So, being vs. doing. 

2. Progress vs. Perfection 

The second is progress versus perfection. 

As a recovering perfectionist, I can speak personally to this one. It’s so critical for our confidence that we just keep moving forward, just keep moving in the direction that we want to go—in the direction of who we want to be. 

Tony Robbins talks a lot about this: As long as we’re making progress, our confidence will continue to build and grow. Honestly, much more than the result itself that we’re after. 

If you set a goal or determine something that you want to incorporate in your life, as long as you're moving in that direction consistently, you will feel more and more confident with each little step that you take, no matter how small the step is. 

Truly, what will erode your confidence faster than anything is when you determine who you want to be, and then you take steps in the opposite direction. There’s nothing that will erode your confidence quicker than not lining up your actions with who you want to be or with your values. 

So, being vs. doing. Progress, not perfection. 

3. Process vs. Results 

And then, the third is process versus results. 

Winners focus on process. Professionals focus on process. Amateurs focus on results. 

Back to the physical health analogy: If you want to be physically healthy, and let’s say you’re really out of shape—you’re not going to lose 30 lbs tomorrow. 

If you get too hyper-focused on the goal, let’s say it’s to lose 30 lbs, then it’s likely you’ll get disappointed, disillusioned, frustrated, and eventually quit. 

Anybody who's familiar with getting in shape—especially if you've been out of shape and then gotten in shape—knows it’s not a straight path. It’s a roller coaster. You might lose a pound or two one week and then be completely flat the next week. 

If you’re strictly focused on the results, it’s easy to get derailed or feel like it’s not working—“why bother?” 

But if you focus on process—meaning: “I’m going to work out three days a week for 45 minutes, whatever it is. I’m going to eat, you know, 150 grams of protein”—no matter what, you focus on what you can control: the process. 

Fine-tune it, tweak it as you go. But if you focus on process, the results become inevitable. 

The more you fine-tune your process, the better the results will be. 

Pro tip: When you realize that dialing in the process is the success—that’s the real win. When you get a sustainable process that you can make a part of your life, that leads to the inevitable results you’re looking for. And that will ultimately lead you to be the person you’ve determined you want to be. 

There’s very little that is more satisfying than that. 

A Personal Example 

Let me give you a personal example. In my own life, I own and run a business. 

The goal of starting the business wasn’t just to provide valuable services but certainly to make money. We’re a for-profit business, and making money is the goal. But if we focus strictly on profit, it’ll lead you to cutting corners and ultimately result in unsustainable results. 

When you focus on process—on being excellent at what you’re doing and paying attention to the details—all the things that lead to providing a good service or product—then, again, the results become inevitable. 

Recap 

So let’s recap: 

Confidence does not come from positive thinking. It doesn’t come from willpower, psyching yourself up, or any of those things. 

Where does it come from? 

It comes from: 

• Focusing on being vs. doing—focus on who you want to be. 

• Focusing on making progress consistently, not perfection. Perfection will paralyze you and keep you from making any progress at all. 

• Focusing on process, not results. Implement things that are sustainable and in line with who you want to be—and those results will take care of themselves. 

Thanks for Reading.